Hi. My sister and I grew up with alcoholism on both sides of our family. She seemed to struggle a lot more than I did, but I thought we both made it to adulthood in relatively good shape, though she has always struggled much harder than I have with jobs and relationships.
For various reasons, I've helped her quite a bit through the years, especially with "loaning" her and her husband money, though I never saw it paid back. Then they moved out of state. A few years ago, she divulged to me that she was addicted to drugs and had been for years. I was shocked, but probably shouldn't have been, given the amount of addiction in our family.
Anyway, I continued to be supportive, though I wouldn't give her money anymore. She had a few relapses, then seemed to drop off the radar for a while, which was really hurtful. I couldn't get her to text or e-mail me, and forget about calling. She wouldn't call or answer her phone if I called her. And her husband and kids pulled back from me too, which was especially hurtful because I'd never had any problems with them. I loved them and spent a lot of time around them while the kids were growing up.
In recent years, she got back in touch and admitted she'd relapsed a few times. But she continued to keep in touch with me, which really made me happy. Here I am thinking she's been clean. Then a couple of months ago, she started a fabulous new job, but was not going to be able to make her rent (long story, and now, I realize, probably not true). She didn't ask me for money, but I talked it over with my husband and we agreed to offer to give her some money and she could pay us back gradually. So we did, and she seemed happy and really grateful. I was absolutely happy to do it.
Fast forward to last week. We've agreed for her to make payments to us. She now informs me that she's actually been relapsing for months and is going into treatment (again), hence, no more job. Claimed she'd sent part of the money to us, but of course it hasn't reached us. We'll likely never see it.
I'm crushed and I feel really stupid. Why would I think she could keep a job now when she never has been able to for her whole life? Well, because I thought she was clean now. After dropping this bombshell last week, she said all the right things, apologized profusely, admitted she messed up, promised to pay it back the minute she gets out of treatment and gets back on her feet.
I'm not sure I care anymore. I'm not counting on seeing the money. I'm not even sure I believe she can recover. Is that awful of me? I have cried, worried, prayed, and tried to help this girl for most of our lives, 40-plus years now. And I thought I had a loving brother-in-law, niece, and nephew, but they barely keep in touch and just have nothing to say to me anymore.
The good thing is that I have a loving husband, a fabulous job, a nice home, and lovely friends. I still feel a huge hole inside, as it seems I effectively have no family relationships on my side anymore. But I do have wonderful in-laws, and that counts for something. I should probably be in Nar-Anon or something but frankly, my life is pretty packed at the moment. I plan to read all I can on addiction, and if it comes to that, counseling is available to me.
Gee, I wrote a book. Ha ha. Thanks for this community, and thanks for reading.