Hi All - New here and happy to find a place to discuss this as I have few who I can confide in. My closest, dearest friend is in crisis but in denial to the point that I wonder if the years of drug abuse have caused permanent damage to her brain. She is 47 and has been using and often abusing many drugs for 30 years. For the past 20 years, it is mostly meth and smoking/injecting oxycontin. Sometime in the past year she started shooting heroin to come down from the meth. On top of this, she drinks steadily all day long. I can't remember the last time I saw her sober.
Over the past 15 years we have had at least 3 extended periods of not speaking to each other after I try to talk to her about the drug use. She smoked meth through 2 pregnancies and cut me out of her life both times I tried to get her to see how bad this was. When I tried to garner help from her husband, family or other friends, she convinced everyone I was just trying to cause problems.
This is one thing she has mastered - the ability to manipulate everyone in her life. She is dynamic and magnetic personality - the type many people fall head over heels for and will do anything to gain her attention. She displays every characteristic of a narcissist and defiantly uses and hurts people, yet is able to do so in a way that she gets everyone believing the person deserved it and no one ever holds her responsible. She has been able to cover her addictions by masterfully turning people against each other or making people afraid to say anything for fear of her turning on them. This includes her kids who have struggled with "keeping moms secret" for years.
Over the past 5 years, her drug/alcohol use increased and she added gambling and sex addiction to the mix. Her erratic behavior, neglect of her children, inability to stay employed or only finding employment in bars to sustain her addictions, finally made others acknowledge the problem. Two other long time friends, her bother, her mom, and her young-adult son all started trying to get her to recognize she had a problem. She quickly cut all of them out her life and manipulated everyone else into believing she did so because they were "out to destroy her life for no reason".
This past year took another turn for the worse. She somehow survived a one-car rollover when she nodded out from heroin. She has had 2 DUI's. She was fired from her job because of drug use. She started breaking into her ex-boyfriends house and robbing him. She has stolen credit cards to use for gas, cigarettes and alcohol. I am hearing from many sources she regularly trades sex for her drugs. Friends would often find her passed out with needles next to her. She was also very clearly not sleeping for days at a time. Finally, 2 months ago she was arrested for passing out behind the wheel of her running car in a parking lot (heroin again) but also had meth, a meth pipe, and oxycontins in her purse. She was let out on bond, failed all her UA's, did not show up for court twice and was arrested on a warrant 2 weeks ago. She is currently in jail but made a plea deal and will be out tomorrow.
Her family has finally realized just how bad her addiction is. While in jail, she was evicted from her home and her family had to pack and move her things. They found tons of used needles, drug viles, pipes, and trash bags full of empty vodka bottles. Despite all of this, she continues to say she does not have a problem, she says people around her are setting her up. She blames her ex-boyfriend, saying he has psychologically abused her and is spreading lies about her. Because I have tried to talk to her about how bad things have become, she thinks I am also plotting against her and has convinced the small circle of "friends" (i.e. fellow drug users) she has left that I am part of a conspiracy with her family to take her kids away from her. These people have now harassed me and my daughter as well. There is actually more craziness to this story but too much to include here. The bottom line here is that her addictions have caused tremendous grief for every person around her.
I know folks say to understand that she is sick...to be angry with the addiction not the addict. But I am angry, and deeply sad, and afraid she will be dead soon since she has no intention of stopping but also afraid for the safety of her kids and my daughter who she has pulled into her whole mess.
Her addict friends accuse me of abandoning her when she needs friends the most, but she wants friends who will tell her what she wants to hear and reinforce her belief that others are out to get her, so I don't want to talk to her at all.
This is such a hard thing to deal with - but it has been helpful reading others stories and see that others have struggled with the same emotions and choices.
Any advice, thoughts and words of wisdom are greatly appreciated!!! Thank you for taking the time to read the lengthy post.
Over the past 15 years we have had at least 3 extended periods of not speaking to each other after I try to talk to her about the drug use. She smoked meth through 2 pregnancies and cut me out of her life both times I tried to get her to see how bad this was. When I tried to garner help from her husband, family or other friends, she convinced everyone I was just trying to cause problems.
This is one thing she has mastered - the ability to manipulate everyone in her life. She is dynamic and magnetic personality - the type many people fall head over heels for and will do anything to gain her attention. She displays every characteristic of a narcissist and defiantly uses and hurts people, yet is able to do so in a way that she gets everyone believing the person deserved it and no one ever holds her responsible. She has been able to cover her addictions by masterfully turning people against each other or making people afraid to say anything for fear of her turning on them. This includes her kids who have struggled with "keeping moms secret" for years.
Over the past 5 years, her drug/alcohol use increased and she added gambling and sex addiction to the mix. Her erratic behavior, neglect of her children, inability to stay employed or only finding employment in bars to sustain her addictions, finally made others acknowledge the problem. Two other long time friends, her bother, her mom, and her young-adult son all started trying to get her to recognize she had a problem. She quickly cut all of them out her life and manipulated everyone else into believing she did so because they were "out to destroy her life for no reason".
This past year took another turn for the worse. She somehow survived a one-car rollover when she nodded out from heroin. She has had 2 DUI's. She was fired from her job because of drug use. She started breaking into her ex-boyfriends house and robbing him. She has stolen credit cards to use for gas, cigarettes and alcohol. I am hearing from many sources she regularly trades sex for her drugs. Friends would often find her passed out with needles next to her. She was also very clearly not sleeping for days at a time. Finally, 2 months ago she was arrested for passing out behind the wheel of her running car in a parking lot (heroin again) but also had meth, a meth pipe, and oxycontins in her purse. She was let out on bond, failed all her UA's, did not show up for court twice and was arrested on a warrant 2 weeks ago. She is currently in jail but made a plea deal and will be out tomorrow.
Her family has finally realized just how bad her addiction is. While in jail, she was evicted from her home and her family had to pack and move her things. They found tons of used needles, drug viles, pipes, and trash bags full of empty vodka bottles. Despite all of this, she continues to say she does not have a problem, she says people around her are setting her up. She blames her ex-boyfriend, saying he has psychologically abused her and is spreading lies about her. Because I have tried to talk to her about how bad things have become, she thinks I am also plotting against her and has convinced the small circle of "friends" (i.e. fellow drug users) she has left that I am part of a conspiracy with her family to take her kids away from her. These people have now harassed me and my daughter as well. There is actually more craziness to this story but too much to include here. The bottom line here is that her addictions have caused tremendous grief for every person around her.
I know folks say to understand that she is sick...to be angry with the addiction not the addict. But I am angry, and deeply sad, and afraid she will be dead soon since she has no intention of stopping but also afraid for the safety of her kids and my daughter who she has pulled into her whole mess.
Her addict friends accuse me of abandoning her when she needs friends the most, but she wants friends who will tell her what she wants to hear and reinforce her belief that others are out to get her, so I don't want to talk to her at all.
This is such a hard thing to deal with - but it has been helpful reading others stories and see that others have struggled with the same emotions and choices.
Any advice, thoughts and words of wisdom are greatly appreciated!!! Thank you for taking the time to read the lengthy post.